To have or not to have a baby now! This is the question

next STEP

I was eating the chocolate cookie that I baked yesterday (which I posted the recipe) and I thought to myself  “these cookies are really tasty, I am going to be such a good mum .” But  what does being a good mum means? I got  married  2 years ago, I have a degree, I have a job I enjoy doing but now I am starting to feel like something is missing in our life. I don’t know what it is or may be I do, the problem is that I am just a bit scared to  accept. When I was dating my future husband I always used to talk about  us having a baby not just one but 2 or 3, and they would all look like me and be as clever as my husband. I even imagined how to dress them  when going out for a walk.

The problem is that, that period I used to think about the shining part of the medal but now all I think is: I will have to consider my body changing, getting up at night, changing the baby 100 times a day, not being able even to have a shower and when he/she will be 3 years old I will have to literally hand him/her to the nursery during the day  which will leave me crying because I will want those  first years to came back. After that, it comes the hardest part of all, the teenage period, the period when she/he will think is a grown up capable of changing the world but in fact  not able to  even post a letter. University means years of saving money and sacrifices but sometimes thrown to the bin because some day he/she  meet a “special” person who will give the wrong advice and make him/her leave everything to follow some idealistic dream. Then  after 25 he/she will get married (I hope) and  the problems and the new life will get him or her far away from my life and I will have to accept that.

I know I am being a bit pessimistic but that is because I am scared of the unknown like everyone else is. I  know having a baby is the most important and wonderful thing that can happen to a couple, I know that apart from changing the baby I will have to cuddle him/her a lot, I will be there to experience the first time of hearing (mummy or daddy), I will have to comfort her/him when is scared of the thunders. I will play with my baby in the playground, be the first to teach him/her  things about the world and life and when he/she is a teenager maybe I will go with him/her to concerts or  at the cinema, I hope I will be the first one to know about my son/daughter’s first crush. I will be on the first line to support all his/her dreams and future aspirations. I will see my child becoming a good human being, caring about others, smiling at them, helping and making everyone surrounding him/her  feel comfortable.

Yes, I am definitely scared but that is because I want to be a good parent, I need my child to be proud of having me as a mum and my husband as a dad. But then I think, I love my mum and I am proud of her even though she made some mistakes which now I understand. I don’t need to be someone else I need to be me, with my pros and cons I will face life. I really hope I will be a mother someday and  have a healthy baby to show him/her  the confidence that I am not showing now, at least I hope. In the mean time, I have had 4 big cookies, ooopppssss.

ps. Thank you for reading  this, I  was a bit sceptical about publishing this post but then I thought why not, we all have our fears it is just how we face them that matters (and we are not expecting baby at the moment).

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4 comments

  1. Over dinner the other week, Jon and I started talking about when we would have babies. It won’t be for another 3-4 years, but just to realize that we’re talking about it is crazy. I really never imagined my life with kids and don’t even know that I want them for sure, but I want to give Jon what he wants in life and since I don’t even know that I don’t want them, why not?! But it stops sounding all fun to have kids and you realize that you actually have to BE A PARENT! And there is SO much that goes into that! Anyway, thanks for commenting on my blog 🙂 This sounds like a blog I’d enjoy already! Will definitely continue to read!

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    1. Thank you Liz for reading my article, I completely understand your point of view. What I would advise you to do is, enjoy and cherish every moment with your loved one. You will know when you will be ready to be a parent and that will be the right time and the right choice! 🙂 Thank you for the kind words, I will be happily following you definitely. 🙂

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  2. As a mother of one (soon to be two!) I felt like I should comment on this.. Parenthood / motherhood is very scary. I’m not going to sit here and say it’s all sunshine & daisies. However, it’s worth it.. I had a horrible pregnancy with my first – and all I could think of was “Please, GOD, just let my son be okay.” I remember when he was born.. After I pushed that very last time, I got tunnel vision, I couldn’t hear anything at all.. I saw everything, but I couldn’t hear anything. My husband said “Baby, look down!” and immediately, I thought something was wrong with our son.. but there wasn’t anything wrong with him. Not at the time, anyway.. Long story short – Landon had a rough start after he turned a week old.. due to his disorder.. and I watched him go through a craniotomy (brain surgery) at 3 weeks old.. *I* had to be his advocate – I had to fight with the doctors, ask the right questions, protest when something didn’t seem right.. and let me tell you this, the day he had to have his brain surgery… I was ready to jump out of that third story window because of how awful I felt.. Point is.. it is scary.. but it is honestly the best thing in life. But, it really is something you shouldn’t go into lightly – I have a cousin who did.. and they learned the hardway it isn’t easy..

    HOWEVER — you actually do not change diapers 100 times a day (; I hope this helped in some way, or at the very least was a little interesting to read!

    -Shelby

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    1. Thank you Shelby for sharing your parenthood experience with me, I feel honoured. You have been through so much and I really hope everything is better now.
      Having a baby is such a bless and I hope I will have the strength and be able to face problems the right way. Thanks again for the comment!
      ps. I love the photo of both of you
      Best wishes,
      Alice

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